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Hello all! This week, I wanted to take the time to explain asexuality to those who may not know what it is or who may be questioning if they are asexual. I want this post to provide some general information about asexuality, a little bit of how I came to discover my asexuality, and leave some helpful resources that may provide some context.
First off, I will provide a definition. Asexuality is when a person feels little to no sexual attraction. This is what’s considered an umbrella term because there are more specific subterms that one person could identify with under this umbrella. For example, some subterms include demisexuality, greysexuality, aegosexuality, cupiosexuality among many others. For definitions on these terms, as well as a long list of other subterms, see my glossary page! Signs from a young age can appear that you are asexual, or they can appear later in life.
The important thing to note is that the definition is “little to no” and not just “a lack of” sexual attraction. This distinction is what leads a lot of asexual people to doubt their identity because if there’s a slight hint that the individual feels sexual attraction, they believe that might not be asexual. I want to remind those who may have had these feelings that you are still a part of the asexual community, and that this doubt is a normal but temporary thing. If it is helpful, look back at some of the asexual resources, questionnaires, anything that is identity-supportive to give that reassurance that you are, in fact, asexual.
Now, what are the signs? I’ve done some research for this, but I’m also going to include some of the signs I saw in my life that led me to my identity discovery. One sign from my childhood comes from a memory I had from when I was about four years old. I remember my mom flipping through pages of my baby book, and I remember asking about my baby blanket and she told me that she put it up to use for “me and my baby.” I remember feeling disgusted, saying that I didn’t want a baby. I don’t think I said this out loud, but I definitely remember the internal feeling of repulsion and hoping that never happened to me. Then I always remember being friends with boys, but never thought of them more than that. I had baby dolls, but never liked playing with them. At a young age, I knew I didn’t want to have a baby and couldn’t envision a person to be married to. I remember faking that I liked guys or that I wanted to get married someday, but only because that was the “norm.”
Some general signs you may be asexual are:
Feeling little to no sexual desire in situations where it’s common in allosexuals
I.e. being sexually attracted to celebrities, random strangers that are “hot,” classmates, coworkers, etc.
(Not all aces) Feeling repulsed at the thought of sex, maybe even avoiding sexual situations if you know there’s a possibility of sex
(Not all aces) Feeling no desire to participate in sexual activities, even if you are in a romantic relationship or have romantic feelings for someone
(Not all aces) Feeling little or no romantic or sexual desire for someone, whether you’re close or strangers
You feel other forms of attraction besides sexual, i.e. aesthetic, platonic, emotional, etc.
Losing interest in “crushes” quickly, or having exclusively a squish and not a crush
Feeling like you don’t ever want to have sex, or you could go through the rest of your life without it
This isn’t a full list, and there are tons of other things that can be put here. I made this based on research/personal experience, but every individual has a different experience. If you identify with any or all of these signs, you may be asexual!
Here’s a link for a website that also gives examples of Asexuality signs: https://www.slice.ca/10-signs-you-are-probably-asexual/
I found out about my asexuality in college. I first thought I was demisexual because I had just exited a situationship (and by exit, I mean got “dumped” via text) and I thought that I may have started feeling sexual attraction as I got closer to that person. However, after some time reflecting on that situationship, I realized that I never actually felt sexual attraction, and was quite repulsed at sexual advances the person made. I found demisexuality on Reddit! I saw a post that had a list of signs and felt I identified with those, and a video interview with Shubble and Anthony Padilla helped me to connect with asexuality and labeled myself from there. I’ll leave a link for this video below. Tell me what your asexuality discoveries are! DM me or email me!
Asexuality interview video:
I hope this information was helpful in your knowledge of asexuality and potentially your discovery of your asexuality! If you have any thoughts to add, agree or disagree, or have any questions to ask, please reach out to me through social media or email.
Thank you for reading and stay true to yourself!