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Hello all! This week, I’m discussing asexuality v.s. Celibacy. Many people think that these two terms are interchangeable, however they are completely different things. It can be very invalidating to an asexual person to ask if they are simply “celibate.” I hope everyone is having a great week and happy reading!
Have you or someone you know come out to another person as asexual just to be met with “isn’t that just being celibate?” Well, just as it turns out, that’s being aphobic! Maybe it isn’t meant on purpose, but that doesn’t take away that it is very invalidating to hear. I’m going to be going over the differences between these two words so if you find yourself in this situation, you’ll know how to respond to them. Also, if you ever heard this I’m very sorry I know it must’ve felt awful :(
The definition of celibacy is “the state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations.” The term is not just about choosing not to be sexually active, but also from getting married. An interchangeable term you can use for celibacy is abstinence. Some people that are celibate also refrain from any physical contact or activity, like kissing or holding hands. If someone is abstinent, they may have some religious belief that makes them follow celibacy. So, that being said, obviously asexuality is not the same as this. Those who are celibate actively choose to not get married and have sex. While someone who is asexual can also be celibate, they are not the same.
Asexuality, as most of us know, is having little to no sexual attraction. Asexual people can still have sex, get married, hold hands, have a romantic relationship, and can be religious or not. Asexual often have little libido or find sex repulsive, however that’s not all asexuals. Being celibate is a conscious choice that an individual makes, and it is also one that can be stopped at any time. Asexuality is an identity that will fit with someone for the rest of their life. It can’t simply be “stopped” unless someone happens to misidentify themselves, which is valid, but doesn’t happen often.
Asexual people don’t get a choice about feeling sexual attraction at the level they do, if at all, but they can choose whether or not they want to have sex. Celibate people have a choice will their decision and they often still have sexual attraction. They can have a lower libido and not want to participate, but that doesn’t inherently make them asexual. These terms are not interchangeable, but one person can be both. I hope that this discussion was helpful information and I also hope that no one has their identity invalidated by being called celibate, unless you happen to be asexual and celibate.
If you have any thoughts to add, agree or disagree, or have any questions to ask, please reach out to me through social media or email.
Thank you for reading and stay true to yourself!