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Hello all! I’ve missed talking to you so much! I appreciate all the support during the hiatus I took and I’m glad to be back! This week, I wanted to take some time and give a perspective on romance from an aromantic point of view, in the belated celebration of Aromantic Visibility Day that was on the 25th. This discussion is short and sweet as I get back into the swing of things, so I may do another post about this in the future. I hope you enjoy and happy reading!
A common question asked to aromantic people is what their definition of romance is or what they think about romance. As some of you may know, I identify as demiromantic. I’m going to do my best to answer these questions and give a perspective on what those on the aromantic spectrum may feel about romance.
When I think of romance, I think of the intimate connection with emotions and physical affection that two or more people give one another in an established relationship. Emotional connection is important to finding out about the person you want to spend your life with, whether that be platonic or a romantic or sexual relationship. Physical affection always comes to mind when you think of a relationship. However, in a romantic relationship, I think more of hand-holding and kissing with romance, and obviously sexual things with a sexual relationship. What defines a relationship is different for everyone and should only be a discussion between the people involved. So many people, especially those who aren’t a member of the LGBTQIA+ community enjoy placing their judgment or nose into something that isn’t their business, like who someone is in a relationship with. If we all collectively minded our business, then we wouldn’t have as many issues as we do. That being said, you can still have meaningful conversations with those who have come out to you or discussed their relationship with you to find out more about yourself or them (the questions being polite and not out-of-pocket).
Being demiromantic means that I can feel romantic attraction to someone after an emotional connection has been formed. Romance, for me, is somewhat complicated when it comes to figuring out when I feel close enough to someone to have that romantic attraction “kick in.” I don’t notice the desire to kiss initially, in fact I still feel a little discomfort when thinking about kissing someone. But, I do notice the desire to be physically close to someone, either an arm around me or a hug. Those who know me personally know I’m not much of a physical touch person at all, so the fact that I get the desire to do so is pretty wild. But, hey, I can't help it. Of course, I’ll still platonically hug people but not often. Since I circumstantially feel romantic attraction, I tend not to really think too much about romance in general. When I was first coming to terms with my identity, I would question and second guess exactly what I was feeling and whether or not it was attraction and if so, what type. That’s totally normal when you are first understanding your identity.
Aromantics as a whole may not feel romantic attraction, however they can still give insight on romantic relationships because they have a different perspective they can offer. One thing that I notice or have seen is that in discussions on romantic relationships in the presence of an aromantic, the assumption is that because they don’t feel the attraction that they don’t have experience in relationships or have never heard or are unaware of romantic tendencies in relationships. This stereotype is harmful to the education of aromanticism and the inclusion of the A in LGBTQIA+ in these important discussions. If you’re one of those people thinking any of the listed things above, it’s not too late to change your way of thinking to something less harmful and more inclusive.
For those amazing aromantics out there, thank you for existing and be proud of your identity. From one aromantic to the next, you are amazing and deserve all the best in navigating through a very romantic-centered world.
If you have any thoughts to add, agree or disagree, or have any questions to ask, please reach out to me through social media or email.
Thank you for reading and stay true to yourself!