.jpg)
Hello all! I hope you are all having a great July so far! This week, I’m discussing labels and its relationship to being Aspec. If you would like more information on labels and their (un)importance, I will attach some links to research I’ve done on the topic below.
When it comes to identity, especially in the LGBTQIA+ community, labels are a useful tool that can help someone better understand you, and also to help you better understand yourself. However, the concept of putting labels onto oneself can be overwhelming for those who are unsure about their identity. I’m going to provide a couple viewpoints on labels, because not everyone benefits from them. One important thing to note going into this is that you don’t need to have labels picked out in order to include yourself into the LGBTQIA+ community, you are very much welcome at all points in your journey.
One amazing thing about the LGBTQIA+ community is that it is meant to be an inclusive place, where those who differ from cishetallos can have a place to feel seen and understood. Because of this, new labels and pronouns are added often to ensure that everyone is being included. Because of this ever-growing list, someone new to the concept of labels can be overwhelmed in finding their place. But, not to worry! There are many helpful online resources to explore your identity on. And the amazing thing is, there’s terms for the in-between stage; curious or questioning. You add a prefix to this based on what you’re exploring, i.e. bicurious if you are questioning that you are bi. Another important thing to keep in mind is that it’s ok if you are trying to find your subidentity within a large community, but label yourself as the larger umbrella term. For example, you may identify as asexual if you feel you’re on the asexual spectrum, but don’t fully match the term asexual. Many will do that as a placeholder label until they explore themselves and other labels to find the best fit. It is also ok if you are unsure altogether about labels. Some will use the term queer if they aren’t quite sure exactly where they fall on the LGBTQIA+ identity list.
Another important point for everyone to keep in mind, whether new to labels or not, is that labels can always change. You are not any less valid if you change your labels, you are simply changing and finding what most accurately represents you. It is very common for those of us, especially when you are young, to have changes in your romantic or sexual attraction. People hit multiple puberties in their lifespan, and our bodies aren’t the only thing that undergoes changes during this time. Your sexuality can change as you develop and change as a person. You weren’t lying or faking your previous identity if you realize later that you don’t quite identify with it anymore. It is totally normal to change your labels and identity throughout your life.
Now, I want to also mention that labels can be harmful in some ways, and therefore you may not want to use labels. That is totally ok and completely valid. A view on labels is that it gives an expectation that you “have to meet” in order to identify as that label. An example of this might be for those who are biromantic or bisexual, who are attracted to two or more genders, but they may be more attracted to those of one gender more than the others. Doubt can come over them from themselves but also outside judgment that will tell them they aren’t bi if they find themselves attracted primarily to one gender. Like many other romantic and sexual orientations, the level of attraction is on a spectrum. For those who are bi, their spectrum includes two or more genders, and they can fluctuate where on the spectrum they fall as to what gender they are more attracted to. This does not make them any less bi, because they still may feel attraction to other genders. Your identity also isn’t determined by who your partner is, and the expectations of your labels shouldn’t determine who your partner is or be invalidated based on who your partner is. The hardest part about the expectations of labels is the doubt that you have to fight against in order to “be” the label you have for yourself. Because, in truth there is no book of expectations on your life that you have to meet to exist, and no matter what people say, you know you more than them and they don’t have a right to tell you who you are. Some of you might not want to live with the stress of proving to yourself you fit there, or having to argue with those around you about how you identify, and that’s why you may choose to not use labels.
Labels include gender identities and pronouns as well. People will most likely question your gender identity because it is visible to everyone around you, while your sexual and romantic identity aren't outwardly displayed unless you have some type of identifier on you. Labeling your pronouns or gender identity is a constant fight for some who identify as cis because your look “determines” your gender. The expectation extends to gender identities to look how they identify so it’s not “confusing” (which is homophobic and transphobic because there is no “look,” people should be able to dress however they want to dress) to the ignorant cis people around us. Being misgendered is a common occurrence for those who are gender non-conforming, transgender, agender, nonbinary, and other gender identities. There are also a lot of people who dislike using the pronouns preferred by the person, and make constant excuses about how difficult it is to change when it’s very simple. The impact of not using proper pronouns for those that aren’t cisgender can be devastating to their mental health as their identity as a whole is being discriminated against, hence the high suicide rates amongst those who are transgender. While labels are important, pronouns are more significant in this instance and can’t simply be ignored. Pronouns can be changed at any time, and by doing so doesn’t make you any less valid. Also, you don’t have to “look” a certain way in order to have the pronouns you want.
Now, where do Aspecs fit in this discussion? The Aspec community is one where labels have been expanding in current times. Our community has little research and discussion today, though it is on the rise, and because of that, there are those out there who still don’t have labels that fit them. And our community is one that continues to expand and give people the labels they want. There’s no statistics on this, but in our community, I think changing labels is much more common because our sublabels are growing so frequently. But, we also face a lot of discrimination for using the labels that we do because our identities are still so misunderstood. Because of this, many of us either use the larger umbrella terms or may refrain from using labels. Either decision you make as an Aspec person won’t make you any less Aspec and you are still valid in our community.
If you want to read more about it, check out these links!
If you have any thoughts to add, agree or disagree, or have any questions to ask, please reach out to me through social media or email.
Thank you for reading and stay true to yourself!