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Hello all! This week I am so excited to have an interview feature with one of my best friends, Rene, who we have previously met. Rene happens to also be asexual. I’m so happy to have had another interview with Rene! I wanted to get the perspective from another asexual person on discovering their identity to provide what the experience is like and to show how different it can be for everyone. I will post the question and answer, and occasionally sprinkle in some commentary if I have it.
Interview Questions and Responses:
Get to know the interviewee! Their name is Rene, goes by any all pronouns, and identifies as a homoromantic asexual.
When did you discover you were asexual?
Very recently- within the last month of giving this interview.
To those who are reading, this was very exciting to me as I haven’t really known any other asexual people. When I was messaged about thinking he was asexual, I was literally on top of the world. I was finally not alone! (At least not in the general vicinity of where I am)
Were there any resources that helped you during questioning that made you come to terms with your identity? (online or physically)
The Invisible Orientation - An Introduction to Asexuality, written by Julie Sondra Decker.
Not to brag or anything, but I did lend them this book. ;) I have a few books on asexuality, but I need to get more! I have tons in an Amazon cart.
How did you discover you were asexual? Were there any signs you were asexual from a young age/ from past relationships that you may have overlooked?
I first started suspecting after a breakup- ANOTHER relationship in which the person feared I wasn't attracted to them because I never initiated sex. I THOUGHT I was sexually attracted to them, but I learned the difference between sexual, romantic, and even aesthetic attraction, and have come to the conclusion that I was simply very romantically and aesthetically attracted to them.
I’m so glad you found it out, but finding it out through now-separated relationships makes it so difficult. I don’t want to insert myself too much as I also want to do an interview like this for myself, but I also had a semi relationship that helped me figure out my asexuality. It’s not great, and that’s the best way I can put it.
Is there any ace representation that resonates with you and you want to shoutout?
I haven't done much of a deep-dive into the ace community yet, but the owner of this blog is a wonderful representative of the asexual community!
Aww you’re making me blush! But, seriously, thank you! I appreciate it!
Is there any insight or advice you want to give from you experience to someone who may be questioning if they are asexual or on the ace spectrum?
Definitely pick up a book, especially Introduction to Asexuality. Really take an introspective look at things- the key for me was, "Would I want to initiate sex with 'x' person? Would I care if they did with me?" Hint: the answer is always no, no matter who I test it on. However, that's a big part of what asexuality looks like for ME.
Yes! Introduction to Asexuality is definitely an amazing read! I will have a future post about Aspec Representation, where I will list other amazing Aspec books!
Have you come out to anyone? This can be friends, family, employer/ee, therapists, etc. Why or why not?
There are few people I have come out to. My friends are the only people, aside from my therapist. When it comes to why, these are the only people who I feel fully safe telling. Asexuality is misunderstood by most people, and my friends are already well acquainted with the LGBTQ+ community and are understanding, and my therapist, who may not understand at first, is willing to listen without judgement, and with acceptance.
It absolutely is and it receives so much hate and backlash which is so disgusting. But, I’m glad you have a supportive community around you who is able to know who you are as a person and be accepting!
Is there anything specific you want to ask/know that I can answer or make a blog post about involving asexuality?
How to begin detangling the feelings of "compulsory sexual attraction"
Absolutely! I will make a future post about this!
Is there anything else I didn’t ask or anything related to asexuality that you want to share?
Asexuality is a beautiful thing, like any other sexual orientation. People frown upon it like any other orientation that isn't heterosexual, so we have to stick together as a community to start dismantling societal norms!
Well said! So wise!
If you have any thoughts to add or have any questions to ask, please reach out to me through social media or email.
Thank you for reading and stay true to yourself!